Grudges are as natural as feeling angry at times when we feel someone has done us wrong. But this pain does a lot more to us than we can imagine. Let’s check out-
1.Killer of your mental health
Grudges are the killers of your inner peace and mental health. All the times when you are unwilling to let go of painful past and all bad that has happened you are less likely to feel rested and at ease. Try this out right now, imagine a situation when was the last time you held a grudge? You believed that it is about doing something to the other person that is not good for you but actually all that is bad happening after holding a grudge is with yourself only. Forming a grudge is for a short time may be but the effects it will add on your mind in the form of a troublesome memory is long term.
You might experience traumatic recalls, re-experiencing and hold you from healthy experience and processing of new happy moments without seeing any bad in them or without relating them with the previous painful one. Our brain selects information to connect past and similar future experiences to store in its collection box. Be ready to save your mental health through this understanding that since your childhood you are saving a lot of unconscious memories that are hard to face again. Just say to yourself daily these magical words “Let Go This Time Too”.
2.Eating you alive
Grudges are like parasites; they feed on you silently, slowly and without your notice. We often don’t even know for years that we are loosing our health only because of what we have carefully planted in our hearts and minds purposelessly. Some of us are waiting for karma, heavens fallacy or something like these. On the basis of these cognitive distortions we select few people to blame and start waiting for them to suffer like us. Why we forget that nothing is similar in this world, not even the fingerprints, twins, our DNA’s and so on. They may suffer more or less than us for different scenario and due to their own ignorance and this will be nothing to do with us. Trust me!
No matter how strongly or weakly you have seeded a grudge, you are supplying rich food to this enemy of yours, basically you are your own worst enemy, it is you who gave place to this coal that is blackening your core. You are watering it regularly and without regrets. You are becoming unhealthy and sick with time. If you don’t believe it, note down your daily behaviors, if more than 50% are negative or harmful about yourself or anyone else. You are already there!
3.The only thing you are earning is loss
The biggest loss is your own. This becomes the problem for all your decisions in the future. For example, you feel it hard to forgive someone who says something similar to you as that person against whom you held a grudge. Even if you are a person who never gets mad at someone who share a joke with you but just because the joke is same as that person used to do, you feel you need to burnout immediately. You create problems this way for yourself and relationships. It moves like a cycle on its own.
This pattern takes away all the power from you to take hold of your senses upon confronting something similar to that has happened before. After you let the grudge grow within your soul, you will have no control over that for the sake of your happy life. Break this chain by expecting something positive from everyone who looks similar to the person who is your target all the time due to a grudge. Go out of it and be your own counselor, rather than sticking at that misery, see something good in that incident, take the lesson with you for future.
4.You are denying that you are precious
We resist the acceptance of apologies. We try to never offer opportunity to someone to apologize. This teaches them that they don’t have a right to be responsible. We must try to show them light at least one, we can make them in realizing that the person needs to attempt on their part to fight off your own resentment and bitterness. This small belief that the person will now try hard to change encourage you to feel better. The good effects will shadow your health from the nails of sickness and fatigue. Finally, a small hope of change in their behavior towards goodness will be your strength and reward.
Internally, you are the one who is good for them, guide them, and trust again that you will not be hurt again the same way. This gives a road to resolution and provides remedy to the situations. To free yourself from the spirals of this toxic grudge, just stay away from conflicts so that you will not raise a grudge anytime further. Give yourself a wake up call daily that you are precious.
5.All you need is to fix it
Fix the grudges and pain before it stresses you out, snatches your sleep, insert diabetes or heart disease in your body. It starts with being upset and ends up sucking up your immunity. Repress feelings is correlated with blood pressure and anger cause serious physical illness. This rage within you models other people around you especially younger ones learn to seek revenge and think poorly when it comes to social interaction. I am sure you would not like to be this kind of trainer for others.
In conclusion, we as human species are very defensive by nature. We cannot tolerate than we believe that we can. In this world, we are responsible for how much to hurt ourselves. Take responsibility today and choose letting go.